BOOK REVIEW: Pia møder James Bond

Pia møder James Bond (Pia Meets James Bond) by Dorthe de Neergaard

WARNING: This review contains spoilers.

Pia is a 24-year-old woman who’s constantly stress-eating and suffering through an identity crisis.

She’s lonely, so she decides to set up a profile on an online dating site. That’s all fine and good, but Pia, for some crazy reason, thinks it’s a good idea to claim she looks just like Halle Berry. Which she doesn’t. She’s pale and her hair is thin. Also, she claims she owns a dog. Which she also doesn’t.

I know. I know. Pia needs therapy more than she needs a boyfriend, but soon she hears from a young man who owns a computer with a malfunctioning keyboard and who claims his name is James Bond. Also, he has a dog.

She considers not replying to him – for about 5 seconds – and then she agrees to meet him and to have their dogs meet too.

The problem? Of course, she looks nothing like Halle Berry and she doesn’t own a dog.

Instead of coming clean, this Danish girl decides to spend a fortune in order to transform herself into a mixed-race movie star.

She goes to a tanning salon (where she promptly falls asleep and gets burned to a crisp), she dyes her hair and gets hair extensions from a fancy hairdresser with bad breath (where she spends a small fortune), she buys a bunch of makeup she can’t afford (including a bronzer to cover up the sunburn) and gets brown contact lenses. She just stops short of popping some melanin pills. By the time she’s finished she’s ready to head the Spokane chapter of the NAACP.

She then goes to a shelter to adopt a dog.

Racial appropriation aside, this is just irresponsible behavior! Who adopts a dog, and names him Othello, just so that she can go out on a date?!

Well, Pia is obviously a troubled young woman. She also eats an unhealthy amount of McDonald’s. My god, woman, embrace who you are and stop eating junk!

Needless to say, she ends up meeting James, whose last name is not Bond (broken keyboard, remember?) and who likes her for who she is, not the awful caricature of herself she insists on becoming. He also works at McDonald’s.

If this book was not somehow sponsored by McDonald’s, it should’ve been.

This was also the first book I ever read in Danish!!!!

  • The number of words I ended up looking up in a dictionary: an even 100
  • Would I recommend this book to a friend? Absolutely!

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